The Burger House built in Amityville

I delayed and stalled, denied my availability, and abstained from attending the Wednesday night burger experience for three weeks straight. I should have made up another excuse to avoid the Burger House burger exploit, but “I will go next week” lost its charm on my fellow burgermates. And how could I muster an excuse when they altered the schedule to accommodate my lazy a__.
First I must preface this review by saying that I have a wheat allergy. Although certain individuals, whom shall remain nameless, do not believe me, and welcome the opportunity to impale me in the chest, a la Pulp Fiction, with my epi-pen, this rare and (often) deadly allergy prevents me from indulging in any bread-related bun products. Therefore, all my burger reviews will be bun-less. For that I am sorry. (At least they are not meatless).
The energy in Burger House was lack luster. The decor nondescript. I ordered an Old Fashioned or a Mary Mary quite contrary naked with a fries and a coke. I should have paid more heed to the stigmata that revealed itself and warned of a cursed burger experience, but I did not. First, Satan taunted me on my reciept, with his $6.66 mark. Then, when I poured my coke from the fountain, a brownish, blood colored liquid curdled from the tap. It tasted like seltzer, but I knew the devil was near. Laughing as she prepared her toxic, odorless disk wedges. She knew I would not resist. Finally, while waiting outside in the dismally (rare) cloudy afternoon, the rattle of a death metal siren farted my order on the bullhorn. Like bullets sputtering, flailing and drowning a name, apparently mine. The disk they served me was bland, even with salt, ketchup, lettuce and tomato. The fries were over peppered and the coke (post fountain repair) was barely consumable... I didn’t even return for my obligated free refill. The only thing I can say positively about Burger House was the company I kept. There is safety from the devil in numbers. We laughed in the face of these artery clogging death disks and their textured blandness, and lived to tell this tall tale.
I can not and will not recommend Burger House because the only thing good about it (the company) is on to another venue, continuing the search for Austin’s Best Burger.
Sincerely,
Oprah

I hate cheese

Yes, the burgers were bad. All bloggers agreed on this. But the grilled cheese? Surely the comfort food of preadolescents and poor college students couldn't be ruined. Surely ...

After ordering my grilled cheese (no veggie burger here) and heading for the quiet patio, a gruff, garbled elecronic (some say devil) voice called out my name, I walked up to the window and picked it up, my own cheesy torture device. Between two toasted buns were three slices of American cheese, stubbornly square and not at all melted. The first bite was dissapointing. It was warm but not hot, soft but not gooey. The cheese had a greasy sheen from the over-buttered bun. I should have known after the first bite to put the sandwich down, but hunger drove me to finish. This was a bad move, something I'd regret later. That cheese danced an evil tribal stomp in my stomach hours after the taste of processed cheese had been pushed out of my memory.

I did like the fries. They were thin (I prefer thick), peppery and crisp -- a huge improvement on the main part of my meal. I'd say that the fries were a redeeming factor, but honestly anything would have trumped the sad excuse of a sandwich.

Burger House = Bad. If your all about good fries, McDonalds would be just as good and you'd get a better meal.

Burger House No Bueno

I ordered the old fashion minus pickles. It was not good. In fact I hated it. It tasted like the hamburgers you get in elementary school. Which were fine when you were 7 years old but as an adult you understand that soy/horse meat are not the way to make a good burger. I didn't even finish my burger. Plus, I had better fries from the frozen food section in HEB. To be fair, Let me say some good things about the place. The all you can pump ketchup outside was nice. The free refills on Coke products were good, but the best thing about the place was devil possessed intercom. At least we had something to laugh about other then the burger. I give The Burger House a 2 out of 10.

Another reason why Dallas sucks

Burger House is a Dallas-based chain that somehow found its way to Austin. Too bad for us.

I ordered a cheeseburger made "old fashioned," which includes mustard, pickles, and onions. I could definitely taste the pickles and mustard, but the burger itself was invisible. I thought this odd until I realized later that the meat was actually a ninja in disguise, hired to assassinate my colon. It nearly succeeded.

I felt sick for fourteen hours after eating this burger. And it wasn't a fluky, bacterial or food poisoning sickness. It was much more sinister. These burgers are up to no good.

On the other hand, the fries were okay, and they did toast the buns, and the bottom bun was nice and crisp. While I enjoyed it at the time, I know now that it was the sleight-of-hand, distraction technique that makes ninjitsu so mysterious and dangerous.

I will not go back to Burger House. I will not recommend it to anyone I know. Unless I've been hired to kill that person.

The Devil Built My Burger at the Burger House

Burger House is a new to Austin burger joint that seems to have a good reputation from parts Dallas, so I went with high expectations. On Spicewood Springs, the BH is a burger counter with a pretty full menu with some indoor seating and ample seating outside in a covered picnick style area. You order and they call you name when it's ready. I ordered the double-double (double meat double cheese) with fries and a coke, sat outside, and waited for burger nirvana to chase my rainy-day blues away.

A glance at my bill should have warned me otherwise. My total: $6.66!

Then they started calling names. At least, I think it was names. Either that or Lemmy from Motorhead was behind the register because all the names came out in a guttural demonic wail that was quite unsettling. I guess the outdoor speaker was broken...I hope it was...

Timing it right, I picked up my nice sized burger at the counter, grabbed some self-serve ketchup at the outside fixins bar, and took a bite. I ordered my burger with lettuce, tomato, grilled onions, and added the ketchup myself. Even with all that, the burger was pretty bland. The fries came peppered and were a nice size but also left something to be desired: taste.

I ate the whole thing and didn't feel disgusted with myself afterward, which was nice. But the Burger House was just an okay experience...one I don't plan on repeating.

Pros: Coke products and self-serve ketchup spout.

Cons: Bland food.

Unintentional Comedy Factor: The broken speaker was pretty funny.